We live in an imperfect world. If you are a perfectionist you will find it hard to cope with the chaotic rhythm of today’s world.
What is a perfectionist? Many people think that perfectionists are merely neat freaks. People who never have a hair out of place and who have houses that are kept like museums come to mind.
What about the sloppy control freak? He is not necessarily neat, his desk is usually a mess, and he may leave his underwear on the floor. However this perfectionist sets the bar so high for himself that he always fails. Why bother to be neat if things will eventually get messed? Why keep a neat desk if more papers keep coming?
He sets the bar high for his wife, children and co-workers so they constantly disappoint him. The more he is disappointed, the tighter he tries to control people, places and things. Chronic disappointment leads to anger and anger leads to resentment. He resents people for not living up to his expectation of who he thinks they should be.
Once resentment is harbored it is like dancing with a gorilla. The dance is over when the gorilla says its over. We harbor resentments toward people for perceived affronts to us that they have no idea they committed. Then we get angry and miserable to teach them a lesson. This becomes a vicious cycle.
How can we prevent this chain of events?
– Learn to set boundaries for yourself
– Learn to respect the boundaries of others
– Learn to have realistic expectations
– Learn not to depend on the outcome of your expectations
– When you are upset learn to discuss your problem instead of stuffing it
– Learn to look for the good in every situation
– Learn to look for the lesson in every bad situation
– Learn to accept responsibility for your actions and avoid blaming others
The minute you have an unrealistic expectation of yourself or others you are committing the crime of premeditated resentment. The punishment for this crime is life imprisonment, alone and miserable, in your own head.